When things don't turn out the way I planned, my first reaction used to always be anger. I would be so upset that Heavenly Father could recognize how badly I wanted something, yet still not give me the blessing I sought. How could a God that loves me withhold the very things that I asked him for? In the past couple of years and particularly the past couple of months, it is all finally starting to make sense to me.
For almost 4 years, I have been asking my Heavenly Father for something that would not have made me happy in the end. And until a few weeks ago, I couldn't understand that. I could not let go of what I wanted so badly, even though I knew it was not what Heavenly Father wanted for me. Eventually, my heart softened and I realized that he wasn't trying to make things hard for me, He was trying to make things better in the end. But, He wasn't going to force me to do anything. For four years He tried to nudge me in the right direction and I wasn't ready to move in that direction just yet so He left me be. A week ago, I finally had the courage to listen completely to what He was inspiring me to do. I was afraid and deeply saddened that what I had wanted so badly was never going to happen. I knew what I needed to do and prayed for the courage to do it. After I did, things seemed to only become harder. I wondered if I made the right choice and just felt very alone.
Today, I had a wonderful reminder of just how aware my Heavenly Father is of my current situation. I came home from my internship shift and immediately felt impressed to turn on the BYU devotional for today. I don't usually watch them because I just forget but I listened to the prompting and turned it on. From the very first sentence of the talk, I knew that this was an answer to my prayers. I knew that Heavenly Father was trying to let me know that He is aware of me and what I'm going through. The speaker talked about healing and overcoming the difficulties this life gives us. The words he spoke gave me great peace and I was once again assured that everything was going to be alright and that I made the right decision, even though it was 4 years in the making.
Our Heavenly Father is so aware of the difficulties we experience. He is aware of our limits and of our needs. He is so merciful and patient with us! He had the ultimate patience with me for 4 years when I was going against what I knew would be best, yet He was still there to love and help me.
I know that He is there. He wants us to have the best life possible and sometimes that means we need the courage to set aside surety and take a step into the dark. I can't see Him in this darkness, but I feel His presence every day of my life. Healing does come and Heavenly Father gives us courage to do the things we need to initiate that healing process. I know that because I'm experiencing it. God loves us and is always there to help. If we put our faith in Him, He will always make so much more out of our lives than we ever could by ourselves.
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