Some of the best moments of my life have happened on my
knees as I have talked to my Father in Heaven through prayer. Like anyone else
on this earth, I have had my fair share of difficult times and trials that have
seemingly pushed my limits beyond my own capacity to handle. In all honesty,
each time I have been placed up against a difficult situation, it HAS been
beyond what I can handle by myself. And that will always be the case here on
earth. But I have a firm testimony that through the atonement of Jesus Christ,
our ability to overcome challenges becomes more than we can comprehend.
One moment from my freshman year at BYU sticks out in my
mind as one of the first times in my life when I felt like I truly understood the
power of the atonement. A few months earlier, I came face to face with the most
difficult trial I had ever experienced. I had been betrayed, lied to, and
demoralized by someone I truly loved and cared about deeply. Yet, he had no
desire to change his addiction and I was left with a hole in my heart that I
cannot describe.
For months on end, I am not afraid to say that I was
miserable. I replayed the events in my mind over and over again and clung to
the pain I was still feeling from everything. I wanted so badly to feel ok
again and to not have the pain any longer but it seemed like no matter what I
did, the pain remained. I had been told my entire life that the atonement could
heal anything, but I was beginning to doubt as I sunk deeper into the pain. I
began to think that I would just have to deal with everything for the rest of
my life, that the atonement really couldn’t take my pain away completely.
One summer night, I was lying in my bed at my parents’ home, replaying
everything in my mind. As I was curled up and too numb to cry, I felt a quiet
thought come into my mind reminding me that the atonement can take away any
pains that we feel, if we but only ask in faith. I felt a stirring in my heart
to get on my knees and pray. To be perfectly honest, I was skeptical to say the
least. I felt like I had been praying for months to be healed, and at times felt
like my prayers never reached past the ceiling. Why would this time be any
different?
As I kneeled down, I began to pray. At first, my words were
reserved and quite possibly superficial. I was afraid to tell my Heavenly
Father how I was really feeling; I was afraid to let him into my heart. Again, I
felt a quiet thought in my mind and a feeling in my heart urging me to “let it
all out,” for lack of a better term. With the little bit of faith that I had
left, I began to tell my Heavenly Father everything, from the very beginning. I
told him what happened, how I was feeling, everything. And soon I was sobbing
on my floor, pleading for the pain to be taken away from me. For the first
time, I can truly say that my heart was in the right place and that I put my
faith in my Heavenly Father entirely, actually believing that He could take it
away from me as I asked with a sincere heart.
What happened next, is something I will never forget. I
could physically feel the burden I had been carrying for almost 6 months being
lifted away from me and my heart filled with a peace and comfort I have no
words for. I could quietly hear a whisper testifying to me that it was because of
the atonement of Jesus Christ that my pain was removed and my heart was healed.
I cried tears of gratitude and thanked my Heavenly Father profusely that night.
Since that night, I have never felt the pain of those experiences
again in any way.
I bear my humble testimony that the atonement is real.
Christ suffered for each and every one of us in a more personal way than we can
imagine and through his great selflessness, we can be healed from anything and
everything. I know that without the power of the atonement, I would still feel
a great pain in my heart 3 years later. I know that if we ask in faith and with
a truly sincere heart for the power of the atonement to manifest itself in our
lives, we can be healed from any pain we are feeling. It is my testimony that
we have a loving Heavenly Father who is ready and waiting to help us in any way
possible if we will but ask for His help in faith.
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